Never choose the scene of your martyrdom

Oswald Chambers calls it the "supreme climb." Not sure about you, but I like to choose the time, place, reason and other details of my "sacrificial" offering. But Chambers says, "The sacrifice must be gone through in will before it is performed actually." Maybe that's why I sometimes struggle with sacrificing. I've not submitted my will first.

Sacrifice is not an easy thing. And I like to avoid it. It messes with my sympathies (for myself) and my love of comfort and ease. I have to confess I never realized how wimpy I really am until I moved to Italy. Everything in the states (and unfortunately, more than I like to admit, still often true here) regarding sacrificial living usually first went through the matrix of my comfort, ease, abilities, what others might think, etc. Chambers says, "When God spoke, Abraham did not confer with flesh and blood. Beware when you want to confer with flesh and blood, i.e., your own sympathies, your own insight, anything that is not based on your personal relationship with God. These are the things that compete with and hinder obedience to God."

When I do this filtering process of my own sympathies, I'm often competing with and hindering my obedience to God. I don't like that I can't get much done in the U.S. with stuff (bills, etc). I don't like the time difference. I don't like that more people don't keep in touch. I don't like that stores here are closed from 1-4pm. I don't like hanging out and taking down laundry because of no dryer. I don't like if have either the dishwasher or the oven on and the washer on at the same time, the electricity shuts off. I don't like that the heat here hardly works and then its like water in some pipes in the corner of the room and you can hardly feel it. I don't like having to get up so early to get all the kids to school by 8am and pick them up by 1pm. I don't like school on Saturdays. I don't like that some teachers are mean and sometimes yell at the kids and tell them to shut-up. Or that there's a bully that keeps picking on Hannah. Or that she has to take 14 courses! Or that we are busier here than we ever were in Orlando. Or that Bethany is not with us and 45 minutes away. Or that we only have one car and it doesn't fit our family. Or that our refrigerator broke down. Or that we regularly don't understand what is being said in the Italian church service or by most everyone else! I miss a regular job. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss our wonderful church. And on and on and on. Okay, so you get the idea. I sometimes don't like the terms of my sacrifice. I want to renegotiate. Send new terms God!

Bottom Line: Abraham did not choose the sacrifice. God did. We have to guard against self-chosen service for God or else, Chambers says, our self-sacrifice may be a disease. Chambers again says, "If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential order of God for you is a hard time or difficulty, go through with it, but never choose the scene of your martyrdom."

What? I do this all the time! I want to drink the sweet cup but pass the bitter cup on! Why should I drink? It doesn't fit my fancy! Don't give me bitter!!! I WANT SWEET, I SAID! Where's the sweet cup? Who has it? Pass it here. That's the bitter one. Give it to someone else! And when God does make me to drink the bitter one, I get mad. He could change it. He could make it better. Doesn't He still love me? Has He forgotten me down here? Doesn't He know this is hard? Come on God, the bitter one is just no fun at all.

Chambers states, "God chose the crucible for Abraham [sacrificing his son, Isaac] and Abraham made no demur; he went steadily through. If you are not living in touch with Him, it is easy to pass a crude verdict on God. You must go through the crucible before you have any right to pronounce a verdict, because in the crucible you learn to know God better. God is working for His highest ends until His purpose and man's purpose become one."

That's really where the rubber hits the road for me. Do I really want God's purpose? Often not. Do I really want Him to conform me into the image of His Son? Well, yes, when it's comfortable and convenient and not too hard. If its the sweet cup, I'm in. Bitter cup...Pass.

I pray God will help me by His grace to accept the bitter cup of my little issues and problems more willingly (Christ was our ultimate example as He went to His own death . . . "Not my will but yours be done"). What are we here on planet earth for anyway? The gospel! So that those who are dying and heading for hell can hear the good news that can change their hearts and bring them hope and life everlasting. It's too easy for me to forget. It's way too easy to think I'm here for me. And my problems are so infinitesimally small compared to what Christ went through for me. Yet my sympathies keep rearing their ugly head ("He's God though...He could change this" and "Why take the tough road when there's an easy one available!").

Every time Christian in Pilgrim's Progress took the easy way, he found out that not only was it not so easy (even more dangerous, full of even more temptation, old unhelpful friends trying to dissuade him, new enemies trying to hurt him, etc) but most importantly, it brought him away from God, away from God's care, away from the removal of the burden of sin and away from the heavenly city. As we choose the path toward the heavenly city and we see the path that God chooses for us, I pray that we can first submit our wills to Him, especially when we find out that the path He has chosen for us includes a bitter cup (this has come from His hands). God wants me to die. But I have to remember that true life is on the other side.



Christian, on his journey to the heavenly city.


Various pictures...



Jacob & Hannah have been developing their relationship while Bethany and Hannah are trying to renew theirs with Bethany being 45 minutes away at the bible institute.



Elijah @ an Italian b-day party and Abby outside our kitchen window in Udine.



Lee visiting with an 80 year-old Venetian man in Udine and our sweet new Italian friends, Laura and Lele with their children.



Abbie Wells, Abby Walti, Jasmine (from SBI school) and Hannah watching a chalk talk being done by Bethany and Jeannette sharing with a lonely lady who she has befriended in the piazza.



Lee & Leo, a new Christian who are developing a neat relationship and the Walti and Wells families together, the two missionary families in Udine (missing, Adam Wells at college in U.S., Pete Wells at SBI, Hannah Wells probably studying for Russian language program and Bethany Walti at SBI).



In Italy, Jesus is still on the cross.